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Thread: WWII Related Humor.

  1. #1
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    Default WWII Related Humor.

    does anyone know any WW2 jokes


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

  2. #2
    Rising Sun Guest

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    Not jokes, but funny. The first one I've seen several references to and it may be a story that happened somewhere once. The second one is from, I think, the World at War TV series and occurred on Iwo Jima.

    1. Japanese and American troops sometimes traded insults from foxholes etc. On one occasion there was an exchange along the lines of

    Japanese "**** Roosevelt!"

    American "**** Tojo!"

    Japanese "**** Eleanor Roosevelt!" She was Roosevelt's wife, not young and not in the least attractive. After a pause an American voice called out "No, you **** her!"

    Both Japanese and Americans found it hilarious. They got back to killing each other later.


    2. Several Americans were in a shell crater under heavy Japanese fire. As they launched themselves out of the crater a shell exploded nearby and blew them back in. One of them ended up lying on his back in the crater with a terrible wound, his mid section covered in blood and his wounded buttocks somehow lying on his front. Obviously his lower body had been separated from his torso. He looked down at his wound and said "Jesus Christ! I didn't think I was hit that bad." He became hysterical with fear. His mates became hysterical with laughter and couldn't fight for several minutes. Unlike the victim, they realised that somebody else or a body had been blown up by the shell and that someone else's buttocks had landed in their mate's lap.

  3. #3
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    aw now thats comedy plz find more


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

  4. #4
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    heres one I looked up, on top of Berlin's radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to cheer up the people of Berlin. "Why don't you just jump?" suggests Göring. lol!! hope you liked it as much as I did!

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    Here is one I got off the Enternet. It is hilarious if you get it.
    A World War 2 pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the Airforce.
    "In 1942," he says " the situation was really tough. The Germans had a vey strong air force. I remember," he continues, " one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.
    (At this point,several children giggle.)
    "I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediatey realized that there was another focker behind me."
    At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and the boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says "I think that I should point out that the 'Focker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company."
    "That is true." says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."

    Hoped you enjoyed the joke!
    Good Conduct Medal
    "The Russian colossus...has been underestimated by us...whenever a dozen divisions are destroyed the Russians replace them with another dozen."
    General Franz Halder-Army Chief of Staff-August 1941

  6. #6
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    LOL hahaha thats a good one.......aw you made me crap myself


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

  7. #7
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    LOL... Messerschmitdt as in Mess of ****? I've heard that one LOL
    asrg


  8. #8
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    I found this one on the internet too

    2 jewish assasins set an ambush where hitler passes at miday everyday
    they have everything,guns,bombs,panzerfausts,etc

    it gets to 11.55 and 1 jew says to the other,get ready

    it gets to 12.00 and no sign of hitler...

    they mutter to themselves and by now its 12.10

    until finally it gets to 12.20 and one of the jews says to the other "he is late,hope nothing has happened to him"


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

  9. #9
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    Heres another 1 I found online:
    FYI might have rude language(like you care)or(you do care)am all confused now just read it.

    If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

    *Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
    *Eisenhower has joined the game.*
    *paTTon has joined the game.*
    *Churchill has joined the game.*
    *benny-tow has joined the game.*
    *T0J0 has joined the game.*
    *Roosevelt has joined the game.*
    *Stalin has joined the game.*
    *deGaulle has joined the game.*
    Roosevelt: hey sup
    T0J0: y0
    Stalin: hi
    Churchill: hi
    Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
    paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
    T0JO: lol
    Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
    benny-tow: haha america sux
    Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
    Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
    Stalin: cool
    deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
    Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
    Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
    Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
    Roosevelt: get antiair guns
    Churchill: i cant afford them
    benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
    paTTon: stfu
    Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
    deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
    Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
    paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
    Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
    deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
    *deGaulle has left the game.*
    Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
    benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
    benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
    Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
    T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
    Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
    T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
    Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
    Hitler[AoE]: wtf
    Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
    Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
    Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
    Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
    T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
    Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
    Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
    Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
    benny-tow: haha
    benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
    T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
    Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
    Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
    Stalin: church help me
    Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
    Stalin: dont be an arss
    Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
    Eisenhower: LOL
    benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
    Hitler: o man ur focked
    paTTon: oh what now biotch
    Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
    *benny-tow has been eliminated.*
    benny-tow: lame
    Roosevelt: gj patton
    paTTon: thnx
    Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
    Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
    Eisenhower: Nuts!
    benny~tow: wtf that mean?
    Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
    paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
    Stalin: rofl
    T0J0: HAHAHHAA
    Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
    Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
    *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
    benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
    Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
    Stalin: OMG LMAO!
    Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
    *Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
    paTTon: hahahhah
    T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
    benny~tow: shut up noob
    Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
    paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
    Eisenhower: yah me too
    T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
    Eisenhower: fock u
    paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
    Stalin: go to hell lol
    paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
    Eisenhower: yah this is gay
    *Roosevelt has left the game.*
    Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
    Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
    *tru_m4n has joined the game.*
    tru_m4n: hi all
    T0J0: hey
    Stalin: sup
    Churchill: hi
    tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
    tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
    Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
    tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
    Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
    T0J0: wtf is nukes?
    T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
    *T0J0 has been eliminated.*
    *The Allied team has won the game!*
    Eisenhower: awesome!
    Churchill: gg noobs no re
    T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
    *T0J0 has left the game.*
    *Eisenhower has left the game.*
    Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
    Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
    tru_m4n: l8r all
    benny~tow: bye
    Churchill: l8r
    Stalin: fock u all
    tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
    *tru_m4n has left the game.*
    benny~tow: lololol u commie
    Churchill: ROFL
    Churchill: bye commie
    *Churchill has left the game.*
    *benny~tow has left the game.*
    Stalin: i hate u all fags
    *Stalin has left the game.*
    paTTon: lol no1 is left
    paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
    *paTTon has been eliminated.*
    paTTon: o sh1t!
    *paTTon has left the game.*


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

  10. #10
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    Hilarious RifleMan20 I was laughing the hole time. Very funny for because I am a Xbox Live gamer. I thought was the funniest when Patton was eliminated and nobody was even there to eliminate him!
    Good Conduct Medal
    "The Russian colossus...has been underestimated by us...whenever a dozen divisions are destroyed the Russians replace them with another dozen."
    General Franz Halder-Army Chief of Staff-August 1941

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    Very good, RifleMan
    The new shape of humor with old prejudices.

    "I decide who is a Jew and who is an Aryan "- Hermann Goering

  12. #12
    Rising Sun Guest

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    There are various versions of this one.

    In the mid-1970's a Lufthansa flight is delayed in Berlin. Lufthansa offers the passengers a complimentary sightseeing tour of Berlin to fill in the time. A distinguished British passenger in his early fifties declines the offer. The Lufthansa official tries to persuade him that it is a beautiful city and worth seeing, rather than sitting in the airport. The British man still declines. The exasperated Lufthansa official finally says

    "Do you know what you're missing out on? Have you seen Berlin before?"

    The British man says "Yes. From 20,000 feet, and it was in flames."


    The other ending is "Yes. In 1944, but we didn't land."

  13. #13
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    Good,good now your turn Chevan


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

  14. #14
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    Game Joke
    Join A Team
    Axis Side-Hitler, Tojo, Stalin
    Allie Side-Patton, Eisonhower, Churchill

    Patton: I am getting in a jeep.
    Eisonhower: I will get in the tanks.
    Churchill: I will stay back and give you......information. Thats it.
    Churchill: So one attack from their western front and the other attack from the eastern front.
    Patton: I will go to the Western front.
    Eisonhower: Then I will go eastern side

    German side
    Hitler: Stalin attack their eastern front with your infantry battalion or else.
    Stalin: Or else what?
    Hitler: Just do it.
    Tojo: What can I do?
    Hitler: Go get your men and blow each other up.
    Tojo: Ok!
    So Tojo gets all of his men and blows each other up. Tojo is elimianated.
    Hitler: Finally he is gone. He does nothing to help the Axis forces.
    Stalin engages the enemys eastern front. He sees the American Tanks.
    Stalin:Retreat its Pattons army.
    A russian soldier: why? it is not Pattons tanks.
    Stalin pulls out his pistol and shots him. Then the Russian army retreats. They get back to the Axis force base.
    Hitler: Why did you retreat?
    Stalin: It was Pattons tanks.
    Hitler: No it was not. your stupid. troops shoot the Russians!
    Stalin: lets get out of here!
    Stalin has switched to Allied Side
    Patton: Switch back. I hate your guts and team.
    Stalin: to bad to bad to bad to bad
    Patton: shutup.
    Montogomery has entered the game.
    Patton: No way your playing. You are horriable at this game.
    Montogomery has been booted from the game.
    Patton: Thats right! Oh crap watch out for that tree.
    BOOM!
    Eisonhower: Patton! NO! Churchill are you there.
    Churchill: This is no fun.
    Churchill has left the game
    Eisonhower: Forget this
    Eisonhower has left the game
    Stalin: Finally the english freaks are gone. Were invading Hitlers base at dawn
    A russian soldier: it is already dawn sir.
    He pulls out a pistol and shoots him.
    Stalin: I knew that you Russian coward. ATTACK NOW COMRADES!

    Axis forces
    Hitler: Oh crap, here they come.
    A soldier right by him gets sniped.
    Hitler: This can not be happing!
    He pulls out a pistol and shoots himself.
    German Soldier: Your a stupid little coward Hitler!
    Hitler with his last breath shoots the German with a bullet
    Hitler has been elimianated.
    Allies win
    Stalin: That's right.
    One of the russians that got shot was related to a soldier by Stalin
    He shoots Stalin with his PPSH and then says
    NO WE ARE THE TRUE WINNERS!
    The rest of the Russians are elimianated for not having a leader.
    Game Over
    Good Conduct Medal
    "The Russian colossus...has been underestimated by us...whenever a dozen divisions are destroyed the Russians replace them with another dozen."
    General Franz Halder-Army Chief of Staff-August 1941

  15. #15
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    Yo german soilder i look all online and coldnt find that one,did you make it???


    "A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
    - General George S. Patton
    "War Isn't about Dying for your country, its about making the other basterd die for his." - Patton

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