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official joke section - Page 2
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Thread: official joke section

  1. #16
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    - Hello ? Is it 911 ? Can you send to my home firemans ?
    - Yes, is it 911, stay cool, plase, whats happend ?
    - Oh, in my home paramedics already fight with policeman - and i just don't know whom else i should call for help me...

  2. #17

    Default

    Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:

    "Aim towards the enemy."
    Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

    "When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend."
    US Marine Corps.

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
    USAF Ammo Troop.

    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    Infantry Journal.

    "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
    Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
    U.S. Air Force Manual.

    "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
    Infantry Journal.

    "Tracers work both ways."
    US Army Ordnance.

    "Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
    Infantry Journal.

    "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
    Anon.

    "Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
    Your comrades.

    "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
    USAF Ammo Troop.

  3. #18

    Default Re: official joke section

    [quote="FW-190 Pilot"]post any jokes you know in here please:

    Monty Python had a WWII skit involving a lethal joke unleashed
    on the Germans by the British in the Ardennes. No one who heard
    the joke could survive-they all died laughing. The joke went:
    Hitler: "My dog has no nose!"
    Goebbels: "How does he smell?"
    Hitler: "Awful!"
    Steve Johnson

  4. #19
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    Same situations... cannibals, captured people...
    But those cannibals got differ problem...
    Okay, people, if you pass trial - you'll be alive and free, if not - you'll be our meat-loaf... - cannibal's king sayd - You need do something with dragon, that live near in cave... that dragon got depression and weeping and mumbling round-a-clock, so my people can't fall asleep... That my great pain-in-***... You need make laugh that dragon somehow, make he's mood better...
    - Okay, i'll try - sayd one corpulent man, - I'll try...
    - You have only one single try. а you'll fall it - all peoples will be our three-course dinner...
    - Okay, okay... i'm sure...

    So, that shorty went in cave and after few moment weeping dragon burst of laugh...
    All people with this shorty was set free, and after time rescued somewhere in jungle.

    After half-year shorty meet cannibals-king right in shorty's appartment elevator...
    -Man, we need help - cannibal's king start begging - You can take from us all that you'll like, but help us, please !!!
    - What's up ?
    - That f**ed dragoun laughing whole day and night, loudly, so we can't asleep... much whorse than he was weeping... can you do something with it ?
    - Okay, i need three million dollars and i'll fix this problem surely...

    Cannibal's king and shorty flight to kannibal's village, shorty went into cave and dragon maked surprized scream and started weeping and mumbling again...
    - Hey, shorty, how, for God's sake, you manage to done that ?
    - First time i just sayd to dragon that i have much bigger cock than dragon got... and now i just demonstrated mine...

  5. #20
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    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    that sounds like one of the Murphy's laws.

  6. #21
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    http://www.pro-supreme.ru/attachment...9&postid=51966
    Funny pic - prarydog shooting with Minimi...[/url]

  7. #22
    Bluffcove Guest

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    Two patrols one German and one British come into contact on opposite sides of a culvert late at night, Both go to ground and reach a stalemate.

    A clever Brit shouts
    "Hans?"
    Hans stands up and says "yes what?"
    SLOTTED

    this goes on until there are 2 or 3 Germans lying on the parapet. Then the German officer (realising something is up) decides to catch the Brits at their own Game

    "Tommy?"
    no answer
    "Tommy?"

    Brit shouts back
    "Is that you Hans?"
    Hans replies "yes Tommy"
    SLOTTED
    ********************
    Continue drinking and telling this story and it eventually becomes Hilarious and will always be 12 times better than kissing photos jokes.

  8. #23

    Default



    I believe the above is ture.

  9. #24

    Default

    The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, USA,
    appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous
    record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

    1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing in
    handguns.

    2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

    3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol
    car parked at the front door.

    4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
    work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and
    fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol.

    5. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with
    a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several
    customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired. The robber
    was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.

    6. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
    shop.

    7. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
    rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
    fire.

    8. Here we are at the beginning of March and we already may have the 2005
    winner of the Darwin Award. This guy is going to be hard to beat.


  10. #25
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    Default


  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erwin Schätzer(argentina)
    First pic: "Jew ? - Nope, *******, texan ranger..."

  12. #27
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  13. #28
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    lol

  14. #29
    Bluffcove Guest

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    FFS see the positive attention this Shatzer fool is drawing to your site!

    You are more famous than you know Erwin!

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluffcove
    FFS see the positive attention this Shatzer fool is drawing to your site!

    You are more famous than you know Erwin!
    lol, yeah!,my surname is Schätzer,no shatzer .

    i know im very famous 8)

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