View Full Version : National security levels

Rising Sun*
01-12-2010, 05:07 PM
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
> threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
> "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
> "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
> Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
> Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
> Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
> warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
> terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
> France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
> a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
> paralysing the country's military capability.
> It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
> has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
> "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
> The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
> Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes,
> on all of their allies, just in case.
> And in the southern hemisphere...
> New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
> "BAAAA!" Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a
> squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
> toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
> level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and
> rescue us".
> Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
> "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the final escalation level .

01-12-2010, 08:36 PM

01-13-2010, 05:52 PM
Hmmm. When we cancel the cricket, then we know the brown stuff is about to hit the fan;)