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Nickdfresh
11-10-2009, 11:45 AM
Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War

November 9, 2009 | Issue 45•46


NEW MUNICH—The new Sci-Fi Channel series Fallen Axis, which eerily depicts a world in which Germany actually lost the Second World War, premiered Tuesday evening to high ratings in an alternate universe to our own.
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Logo.jpg
The Aryan Broadcasting Company is the Sci-Fi Channel's parent network.

The much-anticipated television event is said to be the most ambitious ever produced by the science-fiction-themed network, which is a subsidiary of the Aryan Broadcasting Company. According to the early response, audiences in the alternate realm have been riveted by the show's vision of an inverted existence wherein a defeated Germany has been completely neutered by the Allied powers.

"Imagine, if you will, a world in which Hitler's glorious master plan had instead ended in ignominious failure, and the Allies had somehow emerged the victors," the show's creator, Leonhardt Riefenstahl, said during an appearance on Entertainment Heute Nacht. "It would be as if everything we know to be true—the fall of Russia, the invasion and surrender of the American continents, Heinrich Braun-Hitler's consolidation of the various conquered states in 1973—had never even happened."

Added Riefenstahl, "I think viewers all across the great worldwide National Socialist Empire are going to be terrified by the upside-down world we've created."

Critics residing in the alternate realm have also responded positively to the show: Many praised its scarily realistic depiction of a postwar Russian-American union rising to economic dominance and superpower status with the help of gloating French and English allies.
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Alternative-Universe-Jump-R.jpg
A father relaxes with wife and son after a long day of building panzerkampfwagens.

"Not only is Fallen Axis a chilling, what-if story of a world gone mad, it also asks a number of important questions about what Germany's victory meant, and why its sacred mission was so critical to the fatherland and all of humankind," said Hans von Winterstein, TV critic for the Deutsche-American Zeitung. "And Rolf Staal's performance as former cowboy actor Henry Fonda II, the monstrous American president who attempts to spread his country's insidious political and economic liberalism across the globe, will horrify even the most stoic among us."

Producers said depicting the fictional, non-German-controlled America cost upwards of 40 million reichsmarks per episode, with much of the budget going toward recreating the cities of Washington, D.C. and New York exactly as they would have appeared before the famous tide-turning Luftwaffe strike of 1951. In addition, test audiences reported being impressed by the show's painstaking portrayal of a topsy-turvy 2009 in which American big-band music plays on every radio, Mickey Mouse spouts pro-Semitic propaganda from every cinema screen, and dilution of the supreme race runs rampant.

The show is considered by many to be another boon to the Sci-Fi Channel's fall schedule, which also includes Battlestar Gleichschaltung, a weekly drama about a starship crew that enforces the total coordination of intergalactic society and commerce, and the hit reality series Jew Hunters, in which a team of paranormal investigators scour banks and former Polish ghettos in search of Jewish spirits.

No less an authority than the National Socialist Empire's reichsminister of propaganda Helmut Goebbels expressed his admiration for Fallen Axis in a formal address yesterday from the Reichstag.

"The Führer and myself are enormously pleased with this provocative new program," Goebbels said. "It shows you how close Germany might have been to losing the war had Nazi scientists not perfected the vortex gun just in time, and it is a reaffirmation of the values of self-sacrifice and racial purity that Germany's magnificent victory championed."

Added Goebbels, "However, I must strongly warn the show's creators that it would be extremely unwise of them not to include a five-minute tribute to the Führer at the beginning of all future episodes."

TheOnion.com (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/alternate_universe_sci_fi_channel)

:evil: :lol:

Deaf Smith
11-10-2009, 07:35 PM
Is there something I'm not catching here? I thought Germany lost the war.

Oh, wait, now I see. This is an alternate universe where Germany won the war and they are playing 'what if'.

Well we do know that no to many Jews, Gypsies, Communist, and 'undesireables' would have been alive to watch the show! And the non-ayrans would be slaves.

Deaf

Churchill
11-10-2009, 08:28 PM
I like the idea of the story.

tankgeezer
11-10-2009, 10:47 PM
Very cracked, in true Onion style..

Ardee
11-11-2009, 11:33 AM
Interesting "abc" logo. The eagle's legs makes the Nazi globe look like a cannonball, sans fuse. And what do all the colors represent - an Aryan "Rainbow Coalition"?

cato
11-12-2009, 02:53 AM
Been done before in 'Man in a High Castle' by Philip ****--possibly the best 'What if-inside a What if' story---but worth a TV or Film makeover.
Truth is, if the Nazis had won WW2 we would have a European Superstate with only a rubber-stamp parliament, surveillance on every street corner, detailed databases of every citizen, police with the powers to round up anyone believed to be a threat to the State (i.e the Ruling Party), smoking would be banned in public places, bars and offices, even your garbage would be inspected by officials and lots of faithful party members with soft jobs that allow them to produce lots of stupid regulations on how parents should treat their children, what they should feed them and where they could send them to school
On the other hand, we might have been driving Mercedes, BMWs, Audis, Opels and Volkswagens, drinking Becks Beer and wearing Hugo Boss suits instead of driving Humbers and Austins, drinking Fremlins and Whitbread and wearing Hardy Amis!!!

ubc
11-12-2009, 03:23 PM
Been done before in 'Man in a High Castle' by Philip ****--possibly the best 'What if-inside a What if' story---but worth a TV or Film makeover.
Truth is, if the Nazis had won WW2 we would have a European Superstate with only a rubber-stamp parliament, surveillance on every street corner, detailed databases of every citizen, police with the powers to round up anyone believed to be a threat to the State (i.e the Ruling Party), smoking would be banned in public places, bars and offices, even your garbage would be inspected by officials and lots of faithful party members with soft jobs that allow them to produce lots of stupid regulations on how parents should treat their children, what they should feed them and where they could send them to school!!!

Hummm doesn't sound that much different than today, or the way we are heading :mrgreen:

The poblem with all such WI projected over time there is always a tendence of such ideologies to weaken over time. As with communism the ideology in both China and Old USSR, they would fade over the decades and a new balance achieved.




On the other hand, we might have been driving Mercedes, BMWs, Audis, Opels and Volkswagens, drinking Becks Beer and wearing Hugo Boss suits instead of driving Humbers and Austins, drinking Fremlins and Whitbread and wearing Hardy Amis!!!

that part doesn't sound so bad ;)

cato
11-12-2009, 04:31 PM
Yuss mate,
that is what I was suggesting.
I lived in South Africa all the way through the worst of the Apartheid era, States of Emergency, National Socialism with less uniforms. They were mild compared to the 'West'. Back in the UK and in visits to the US I see National Socialism regimes everywhere. OK, they don't carry a cosh, they don't want the Jews and Black people murdered ( quite the reverse), but they use EXACTLY the same techniques to regiment, control, sideline or silence the general population. Ancient freedoms are/have been eroded or destroyed
This week the 'Justice Minister' (Injustice Minister?), Jack Straw has announced secret inquests when citizens have been killed by the police. WHAT???
In Germany, where they suffered the Nazis and, for one third of the populace, the Stasi, you would be lynched for putting up a CCTV surveillance camera or try to put innocent citizens onto a 'watch list'. But in the Anglo-Saxon countries are drifting into a command state mentality.
Nue Labour uber Alles

Nickdfresh
11-12-2009, 06:38 PM
...
On the other hand, we might have been driving Mercedes, BMWs, Audis, Opels and Volkswagens...

I see the above everyday. In fact, I did a double take as I saw the new Audi R8 (http://www.leftlanenews.com/audi-r8.html) pulling out of a petrol station today. Though, the Opels are called Saturn Astras here and will be retired after this year as Saturn begins to fade away...

And don't forget Porsche, my friend sells them...

cato
11-13-2009, 02:25 AM
While I was being flippant in the last post, it is a strange situaton. Over four decades, Britain and the US have got rid of all the shitty jobs to the third world. (Britain several years ahead of the US). Let the toiling coolies make the textiles, mine the coal, chop the wood! OK, let them also make furniture, washing machines and the basic cars. Oh yeah, maybe they can also make the TV sets, the computers, the trucks, the telecommunications network equipment--we will reserve the knowledge base.
Oh dear!, in order to make all the high-tech stuff they need the knowledge base--let's train their people. Now they have it all.
We will keep to what we do best. The Americans can till the soil and produce lots of food to export to the third world and the British can run the banking system to pay for it. Both badly.
While the US and Britain have given away their technological leads in many industries, the Germans seem to have held on. They still lead in automotive science, chemicals, nuclear technology, machine tools, telecommunications and beer. How did they get it so right?



Re Audi R8. My Bastard, rotten, lucky-sod brother bought an Audi R4 last year. He paid £80,000 and sold it after three months for £95,000. It's a fabulous car, but the one he had is just a poseur's wank-tank, pussy-puller only good for twats with too much money that won't lend me any!

Cojimar 1945
11-13-2009, 10:48 PM
Wasn't World War 2 a tie? Perhaps they are thinking of the war of Russian supremacy in the 20th century.

Librarian
11-14-2009, 06:07 PM
Excuse me for my interference, honorable ladies and gentlemen, but I was instantaneously inspired with this highly intriguing sentence:


On the other hand, we might have been driving Mercedes, BMWs, Audis, Opels and Volkswagens, drinking Becks Beer and wearing Hugo Boss suits...

Of course, my dear Mr. Cato, but on the other hand just imagine that immanent loss of the magnificent group of cars that were a joy to look at and a pure amazement to drive back there in the States – Cadillac Series 62, Studebaker Commander, Packard Caribbean, Chrysler C 300, Continental Mark II, Cadillac Eldorado Brougham, Chevrolet Bel Air, Buick Riviera , Studebaker Avanti, Pontiac GTO, Shelby GT-350 Mustang, Oldsmobile Toronado, Dodge Charger R/T, Plymouth Road Runner, Chevrolet Corvette…

Not event to mention that half a century long march of British engineering progress embodied in those everlasting technical poems, commonly known as Allard M-Type, Riley RME, Jaguar XK 150, Aston Martin DB 4 S II, Jensen Interceptor Series III, Alvis GTS, Austin Healey 3000 Mark I, Bentley S II Continental Flying Spur, WSM Sprite... yes, perhaps even the Dellow Sport. :cool:

You know, it seems to me that very soon those anti-climax times with those subtle, but still powerful human massages will be highly tangible again. Therefore – cheer up and look for the fellow in the Dellow, not the man in the van or the chap in the trap! :D

In the meantime, as always – all the best! ;)

cato
11-15-2009, 05:55 AM
Ah, Mr Librarian, Nostaligia is just not what it used to be. But a trip to a Goodwood revival day can show just what has been lost.
(you omitted, by accident, I am sure, the Jensen FF--a high performance Sports GT with full-time 4WD, 16 years before Quattros.)

Rising Sun*
11-15-2009, 07:56 AM
Not event to mention that half a century long march of British engineering progress ...

I have greatly enjoyed the rich irony in this thread, but I am not sure whether to regard the phrase "British engineering progress" applied to post-war motor car production as irony or an oxymoron. ;) :D


Some of Whisler's findings are surprising. For example, in Chapter 5, he claims that the reputation for engineering excellence that some British car makers achieved, at least domestically, was largely illusory. Firms relied on 'practical men' who had worked their way up the engineering hierarchy via the apprenticeship system, rather than those with university qualifications. Even legendary designers, such as Alec Issigonis, the designer of the Mini, suffered from this weakness. Although the Mini is generally thought of as a very successful design because of its enduring popularity with consumers, in fact, it was very complex to produce, resulting in high unit costs and low product quality. As a consequence, the Mini's manufacturers made very little profit from it, despite healthy sales. These problems, which were repeated time and time again, were the result, Whisler argues, of the lack of professional training among the 'dominant designers' and their teams. They arrived at their designs through trial and error, with not enough attention to the requirements of efficient production. The problem was not lack of investment in new model development, as is often asserted, but the fact that a large proportion of the money invested in development was wasted. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4339/is_2_23/ai_88252995/

Then again, I may have been scarred for life after owning a rather new, rather expensive, and spectacularly unreliable Triumph 2500S (a sports saloon which was neither) which foolishly relied upon the Prince of Darkness (Lucas) for intermittent electrical functions, and malfunctions; a Laycock de Normanville electric (somewhat adventurous when linked with the Prince of Darkness source of electricity) overdrive transmission (also fitted to various 'great' post war British cars) with the still mysteriously pointless overdrive and slow to engage or never engaging ratio on third as well as fourth; a curious independent rear suspension system which locked splines when it felt like it and, more disturbingly, unlocked them when it felt like it (usually in the middle of a corner when the car was close to the limit with splines locked, thus creating unexpected interest for the driver and especially in ideal conditions such as black ice); the ability to get as much as 5,000 [YES, A WHOLE FIVE BLOODY THOUSAND] kilometres out of the hugely expensive clutch mated to the frigging Laycock de bloody Normanville (semi - thanks to Lucas) electro-mechanical shitbox transmission; the most extraordinarily primitive plumbing grafted upon the fuel system to try to comply with emission controls which clogged up the twin SUs a treat; and not to mention other highly impressive engineering and production achievements such as the cardboard trim and parcel shelves under the dash.

Oh, and my first car was a Mini as designed by the genius Issigonis. Lots of fun in an underpowered way, when it went, but a bitch to work on for the simplest things with its unduly complicated (others said brilliant) east west engine arrangement, with engineering and production stupidity taken to great heights such as having to insert a key on the dash to open the ignition circuit and then press a starter button on the transmission tunnel to apply power to the starter motor, presumably because British engineering had yet to discover the rather simpler and cheaper to produce concept of an ignition key which actually started the car just by turning a key. Still, what can you expect of a car which had horizontally sliding windows and no door trim when the rest of the world had long had wind-up vertical windows and door trim?

I don’t have a lot of nostalgia for those cars, apart from the fact that Michelotti got the Triumph bodies just right. If only Britain could have built cars to match even half the excellence of those lovely designs.

Rising Sun*
11-15-2009, 09:22 AM
While the US and Britain have given away their technological leads in many industries, the Germans seem to have held on. They still lead in automotive science, chemicals, nuclear technology, machine tools, telecommunications and beer. How did they get it so right?

Because Germany is a nation built on the soundest of social, political and economic foundations. Beer and sausages.

As the UK used to be, before it converted to wine and curries

If Germany had won the war Britain would have been flooded with more German beer and sausages than it could use.

However, Britain quite foolishly made the mistake of winning the war so, apart from being crippled by the loss of its empire and a mammoth Lend-Lease debt to the US, it was still rationed until the early 1950s, partly as a consequence of flying food, mostly sausages but with a few precious turnips, into Berlin for about a year 1948-49.

This selfless act deprived Britain's best minds of the sausage protein needed to sustain their clever thinking and of the turnips necessary to produce internationally prominent turnip-heads in a range of Nobel Prize winning disciplines.

Britain’s selfless act also improved the minds of the mediocre sausage-dependent brains and turnip-heads left in Germany after the Americans and Russians had cherry-picked the best minds in Germany for their rocket programs and other post-war programs of world domination.

Not the least of which were the Ford Edsel and the Berlin Wall programs, thus bringing into sharp relief the differences between a vibrant capitalist democracy and an oppressive communist dictatorship where the former gave its populace exactly what it wanted as represented by the Edsel as determined by market forces while the latter didn’t because Stalin had abolished markets in the 1930s to prevent kulaks and military officers from hiding among the sausages and turnips on market stalls when Stalin was purging them as part of a careful plan to ensure that the USSR would be best placed to utilise its best and brightest in the coming war with Germany.

When he was in a very good mood Stalin sometimes allowed model prisoners in the gulags to view from a distance a turnip destined for the officers’ mess, with the promise that if they continued to behave until their release they could see a photograph of a real sausage.

Meanwhile Henry Ford, as a paragon of a liberal democracy and lacking the foresight to predict or stop the processes leading to the Edsel, contented himself with using his private police to belt the shit out of, and even murder, anyone who looked like they might be a unionist. He also supported Hitler and hated Jews, but every great man makes a few mistakes.

cato
11-15-2009, 11:53 AM
Rising Sun,
The post re: the training and mentality of British automotive engineers is quite perceptive. The trouble is University Educated men didn't go into (or were welcome in) the post war motor industry, the aeronautical industry was the go-go super-duper future of mankind until it imploded in the 1960s. Even so, there was no shortage of innovation or engineering excellence. The problem was the bloody-minded-"we- are- going-to-srcew-you-to death" attitude of the Union work force and the weakness of operational management and government for years. Here is an example. I visited the Ford Factory at Dagenham as a schoolboy where they were proudly showing the last Ford Anglia on the production line, followed by the first Ford Escort. Ford and Vauxhall (GM) were masters of assembly line manufacture. Austin, however, were forced by the Unions to continue manufacturing their A40 (Anglia competitor) alongside the replacement 1100 series for SIX years after the logical end of the car's life although were hardly any sales. Duplicated production lines meant more workers doing less at higher cost of course. The same situation arose in the entire BMC group with the same cars, Mini, 1100, 1800 being produced in five locations with different badges.
Even when there was good management (Ford, Vauxhall) the workforce let everything down. Murray Walker, the Motoracing Commentator mentions in is memoirs visiting the Luton plant and being shown a new Vectra with disc brakes fitted one side and drum brakes on the other and stories abound of Ford Escorts and Cortinas being shipped with the wrong engine configuration ( they all used the same block with different piston and sleeve packs for different models).
When those engineers were ignored by management and Leyland and Rootes decided to follow the American route of making non-innovative, value for money cars the market ended up with the Morris Marina and the Hillman Hunter.
FYI when Rover-Jaguar were forced by Tony Benn and the Labour Government into the merger with BMC, the projects that were cancelled were:-
--a mid engined permanent 4WD 'supercar' with the Rover 3.5 litre engine and a body designed by Farina that was later used as the base for the de Tomaso Mangusta.
--a gas-turbined saloon car (that funny 'droop-snoot' of the 1970s Rover 2000/2200 was actually designed for a gas-turbine engine).
--an 'F' type jag that looked very similar to XJ220 that apeared nearly 20 years later.
--- a Rover, 'mini' (Escort sized) sports sedan with a 1800cc twin cam engine.
I can only totally agree with build quality--but that goes with the attitude of labour.

In defence of the early Mini. You are right that front-wheel drive cars are very much too blame of BMCs demise--the cost of R&D was horrific as were the production costs, but the Mini was intended to be a 1950s equivalent to the Austin 7 or Ford Model T---an everyman's car with as much cost stripped out as possible. That's why--no window winding mechanism, no dash mounted starter (remember that to have a dash mounted starter--you need a dash!) I remember my Mother bought one about 1961 or so and a heater was an optional extra for £8.00! In England!

Athough the British motor industry is defunct, it is no coincidence that the home of every Formula one racing team, but one, is in the UK. The engineers, without having to worry about sales or customer service have won at last.

cato
11-15-2009, 01:13 PM
Because Germany is a nation built on the soundest of social, political and economic foundations. Beer and sausages.

As the UK used to be, before it converted to wine and curries



Of course! I should have worked that one out myself. Once, the only way to eat well in Britain was to have breakfast three times a day and they built an Empire. Now it has the best restaurants in the world--Italian,Indian, Greek, Chinese, Thai, French, Japanese--you name it and builds crap. But there are no German restaurants!!! ( I did find a German restaurant in Hong Kong once, but the doorman told me that it was reserved only for Germans. I asked him if that was like the dock at Nurenburg--and he threw me out.)
The Krauts still quaff a dozen litres of beer a day--even knocking back 'cyclists beer' at lunchtime, but never seem the worse for wear. At £3.80 per pint, the British worker now demolishes huge quantities of supermarket cider that is better suited as engine-degreaser and the executive class think that New Zealand wine is classy!

Rising Sun*
11-16-2009, 05:56 AM
I did find a German restaurant in Hong Kong once, but the doorman told me that it was reserved only for Germans. I asked him if that was like the dock at Nurenburg--and he threw me out.

:mrgreen:

It is difficult to understand the doorman's attitude. You mentioned the war only once, and quite indirectly, and should have got away with it. It worked well enough for Basil Fawlty, and he was rather more direct

Unlike the quite subtle aerial opening to this Anglo-Teutonic contest. ;) :D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5xd97HeY70

flamethrowerguy
11-16-2009, 07:10 AM
Unlike the quite subtle aerial opening to this Anglo-Teutonic contest. ;) :D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5xd97HeY70

:mrgreen:
I do love the way the British deal with the subject.

Rising Sun*
11-16-2009, 07:16 AM
:mrgreen:
I do love the way the British deal with the subject.

Yes, I think they've pretty much forgotten the war.

And if they haven't, they are far too polite to mention it. ;) :mrgreen:

tankgeezer
11-16-2009, 09:35 AM
Been done before in 'Man in a High Castle' by Philip ****--possibly the best 'What if-inside a What if' story---but worth a TV or Film makeover.
Truth is, if the Nazis had won WW2 we would have a European Superstate with only a rubber-stamp parliament, surveillance on every street corner, detailed databases of every citizen, police with the powers to round up anyone believed to be a threat to the State (i.e the Ruling Party), smoking would be banned in public places, bars and offices, even your garbage would be inspected by officials and lots of faithful party members with soft jobs that allow them to produce lots of stupid regulations on how parents should treat their children, what they should feed them and where they could send them to school
On the other hand, we might have been driving Mercedes, BMWs, Audis, Opels and Volkswagens, drinking Becks Beer and wearing Hugo Boss suits instead of driving Humbers and Austins, drinking Fremlins and Whitbread and wearing Hardy Amis!!!

Upon reading this,(except the last few lines) I have to say that it is strangely close to the way things are coming to be in parts of the U.S.

Nickdfresh
11-16-2009, 09:59 AM
That was a great post RS*, I wish I had more time to post back to it at the moment. The new Mini Coopers (ala BMW) are actually quite popular here, despite the fact that it's an economy car that takes premium fuel, synthetic oils, and still likes to fall apart a bit too early. :D

And yes, Amerika is certainly going down the insidious road to fascism! :lol: :evil:

http://www.phillyd.tv/wp-content/uploads/hitlers-diabolical-plan-30365-1253457156-130.jpg

cato
11-16-2009, 10:46 AM
That was a great post RS*, I wish I had more time to post back to it at the moment. The new Mini Coopers (ala BMW) are actually quite popular here, despite the fact that it's an economy car that takes premium fuel, synthetic oils, and still likes to fall apart a bit too early. l:

http://www.phillyd.tv/wp-content/uploads/hitlers-diabolical-plan-30365-1253457156-130.jpg

Confirms what I was saying. It takes a gut Cherman to make decent British car.
I bought a Mini-Cooper S with John Cooper stage 2 factory tune in 2003 (still supercharged then), ( still got it in a garage in South Africa). It is frankly the most fun car I have ever owned. It outdragged almost anything from traffic light to traffic light including BMW M3 s up to 100Kph (thanks to the supercharger overcoming the 2000M altitude) and as for big-engined bangers--the best trick was to allow them to start tailgaiting into Freeway turnoff cloverleafs and then accelerate to maximum grip- the stability control just wouldn't allow one to loose it! (big-banger sideways in the rear-view mirror) My only problems were that as my model was a special import the European rubber mix on the run-flat tyres would only last 8000km and the 'leather' steering wheel delaminated from sun-exposure. Otherwise it has always run like the Deutchbaan!

Nickdfresh
11-16-2009, 12:16 PM
Confirms what I was saying. It takes a gut Cherman to make decent British car.
...!

The only thing is that German cars enjoy a bit of a mixed reputation in America. They have fine (over) engineering and styling that is often negated by sometimes lackluster, or even poor, quality and reliability. Volkswagen is on the march to become the world's largest car company, but they have yet to really come-on in the US market and enjoy something of a niche, or cult success here because their nice interiors often shoddily come apart after a few years (like on the previous body-style Passat). Or they forget to explain to consumers that by not using synthetic 5W-40 in their turbo engines, they risk coking and sludging the thing up and killing their cars, which of course VW takes the wrap for fair or not (which is why they now offer "free" maintenance at 10,000 mile intervals like BMW/Mini does)...

cato
11-16-2009, 01:15 PM
The only thing is that German cars enjoy a bit of a mixed reputation in America. They have fine (over) engineering and styling that is often negated by sometimes lackluster, or even poor, quality and reliability. ...

I am astonished (gobsmacked, even) to hear this. (Some Mercs and BMWs are assembled in the US of course and the VW could come from anywhere--Mexico, Czechslovakia, South Africa, China, South Africa etc). Your point about fuel is interesting. All the German models had short-term problems some years ago in South Africa when all pump petrol sold inland was an artificial "-Oil-from-coal" mix with some Ethanol additives, but that was quickly solved. I know that there are still problems with Diesel models in the rest of Africa because of shitty fuel.
I have a family member who has a stratospheric job with Audi (Germany) and he has just informed me that a few years ago they serious problems with the US dealer network--rotten mechanics, fraudulent servicing and, apparently ( I haven't been to the US for years, so it's hearsay) much of the Freeway network in the States is falling to bits, causing heightened suspension problems-- he says that this was solved some time back. ( But then he would wouldn't he?).
Is the poor service, reliability compared to indigenous US models (if there is still such a thing) or to Jappo/Korean vehicles?

(BTW, the old-shape Passat--is that the B5? Had a bit of a history. Models were made in Bratislava, two German plants and Shanghai. I wonder which ones you got.)

ubc
11-16-2009, 02:11 PM
I drive a Chrysler [now dodge] Sprinter van that is a German design.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercedes-Benz_Sprinter

Its reliable and has great power for a diesel. The reliability is fine except when the computer malfunctioned we had to wait a month for a new one from Germany to be sent. My only real complaint is that the driver ergonomics are Spartan compared to some American designs.

tankgeezer
11-16-2009, 02:31 PM
The Chrysler Corp. mini van was produced to use up left over powertrains from the most illustrious "K" car. The design was purchased from Germany, off the rack. little did they know that the thing would take off like it did.

cato
11-16-2009, 05:13 PM
As I write---this just in

Mercedes Buy Braun F1
http://bleacherreport.com/tb/b1yJY

So who will be the new team manager?
New Mercedes Head will solve Reliability Questions with existing heads

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/07/07/article-0-059FBCDE000005DC-229_468x336.jpg

After all, we wouldn't know the Italian National Anthem if it wasn't for Michael Schumacher, maybe Jensen can teach us
the 'Ode to Joy'.

Librarian
11-16-2009, 07:31 PM
You are absolutely right, my dear Mr. Kato – alas, ours is an age in which the mass-produced has finally asserted its supremacy over the individually hand – wrought. The crafts, though far from dead, are kept alive as an absolute minority, and the practical idealists of engineering science, those tangible poets of technological rhymes many of whom remained anonymous, were unable to give a resolution of conflicts in the relationships between enlightened art and plain profits.

Yes, my daer Mr. Cato – the accountants took over the business and told the real people to keep their originality down. Cost considerations kept designs mediocre, and concentrated on planned obsolescence, preaching that our love affair with the automobile has to be constantly transient. The only problem is that they did not give us a great deal to love...:(

Fortunately, our old-fashioned Nostalgia needs not to be an escape from reality into a shadowy netherworld. There still are some places on this planet where adventurous travelers are able to rest their feet, to nurse saddle sores of a hard day, and relieve the pleasant reminiscence about the days when the world offered real thrills, as well as to directly observe those products of human spirit when slow-paced precision was a matter of pride in favor of hands-on craftsmanship.

Therefore, my dear Mr. Cato, if you are straightforwardly nostalgic toward the genuine days of automotive glory, instead of those notable fares try, for example, the more peaceful seclusion of Eastwell manor in Kent. You will be able to observe there those blithe spirits of the halcyon days of British automotive history, not only with the full extent of Rolls Royce’s splendor expressed by a spectacular Gurney Nutting Phantom III Sedanca De Ville, but – with a little bit of luck – through gentle, restrained, ultra-smooth purr of Lagonda V 12 Rapide’s engine, so incredibly flexible and capable to pull from as little as 5 mph in top speed. You know… that will be some kind of a therapeutic diversion from the contemporary slog of producing a car to fit in between the upper lower-priced car and the lower medium-priced car for the young executive family on its way up. I remembered well that even some close and dear friends from Down Under remained speechless after that miraculous waft. :)

In years to come an additional opportunity for a brief, but highly emotive and melancholic contact with the automotive history, will be findable even in America. Yes, I know – there is a hard fight for survival, and cars now stand on the threshold of a new era – they will ride more smoothly, they will use less fuel, last longer, handle better, and require less maintenance. At least we were told that on a daily basis, my dear Mr. Cato. However, if economies are like cobwebs, it should be no surprise that, to extricate themselves from those webs of convolution, the people of the world over in this year and age still seek some consolation in those most peculiar places like the headquarters of the International Garden Club at Bartow Mansion in New York. French windows and a classic niche on the garden side of that stone house will be almost the perfect place for a brief, glittering romance with past perfection – a 1934 Duesenberg Model J with Victoria body by Rollston.

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a137/Langnasen/DuesenbergJRollston.jpg

Duesenberg J - 1934

You know… Duesy was a car unwilling to sell those modern things like "dramatic styling", "exclusive tele-touch drive", "getaway push", "thrust-boost" and "fluid torque" with "magic-circle steering". I mean a wheel instead of a tiller. Good old Harold Ames put that in as early as 1929, when my late pa was a boy. However, we have psychology now. We do tell people that their car reflects their taste, that the GM, or Fiat look is their look. We call it you ideas. The only problem is that it looks like every other look on the road.

Well, here is a tributed toast to the old fashioned me ideas, without too many chair wormers around. Thank God, in those times, they made what they wanted, and as a result, you are constantly committing 5 of the 7 deadly sins just by looking at it. Not even to mention a whole regiment of cavalry hitched up there.

Of course, there are so many other wonderful places for a pleasant meeting on the road of Nostalgia. Just imagine, my dear Mr. Cato: Spanish moss drapes the spreading shade trees, and azalea blooms beside the pillared portico of a lovely mansion. It stirs memoirs of romantic era when George N. Pierce produced bicycles and birdcages in Buffalo back there in 1901. And then, suddenly, eruption of a wind-cheating flamboyancy, remainder of beautifuly hopeful pre-depression years – pure sensation made of fastback styling, lack of running boards, spatted rear wheels, concealed door hinges, and integral headlamps, so fresh as a everlasting memory attained at the Chicago World Fair in 1933 – one and only Pierce-Arrow Silver Arrow!

You have to see that shining miracle when spring brings those gardens into bloom… with Boswell sisters providing musical richness to a moment of eternal hapiness that can never be duplicated – a seismographic emotional response to prevailing conditions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5e4-wN0jSI

Therefore – just imagine and enjoy . You know, if you are not there, you miss it all.

In the meantime, as always – all the best! ;)

cato
11-16-2009, 07:42 PM
Yes, I think they've pretty much forgotten the war.

And if they haven't, they are far too polite to mention it. ;) :mrgreen:

Absolutely!
WW2 was the last time that Britain was on the winner's podium--and no-one had better forget it! (We won't let them!)
Britain/England has been at war at some time or other ( a Union Jack pattern bar of Cadbury's chocolate to anyone who can prove me wrong) with just about every country/nation in the world. But no enemy is more popular that the Germans.
What less fortunate folks (i.e. those not born in the United Kingdom before 1955) [ Ref. Cecil Rhodes-" never forget, being born an Englishman is winning first prize in the lottery of life"]) sometimes fail to understand is that the entire swathe of British/English history is, with a few exceptions, coloured by gallant failure.
We celebrate Boudicca, who after burning London to the ground led her people to semi-extinction and 400 years of Wop rule.
King Alfred was the first failed celebrity chef.
We hail Harold Godwinson and the Saxon Housecarls who were slaughtered to a man in 1066 and first allowed the frogs in.
Richard the Lionheart has a statue outside Parliament--one of our greatest heroes (couldn't speak English, was as queer as a three dollar bill, only spent two months in England and bankrupted the country with his constant crusading.)
Robin Hood-- a homeless mugger with a Northern Accent and poor fashion sense.
Henry IV (parts one and two). Bored English schoolchildren for five hundred years.
Henry VIII, left some of best ecclesiastical architechture in ruins and invented the Quickie divorce.
Elizabeth I, Francis Drake, Walter Raleigh--set back Spanish package holidays for centuries---and so on to to Yorktown, Corruna, Toulon, The Charge of the Light Brigade, Gallipolli, Narvik, Dunkirk, Greece, Crete, Singapore--Great victories all.
Hating the French is, of course, easy. Everyone does. They eat snails, the women don't bathe very often, they own our electricity and water companies and their President has the hottest political wife on the planet. The Italians, build Ferraris and have the best food in the world, the Dutch and Belgians don't bother anyone and the Scandinavians produce world-class pornography--so they are all more or less, OK. but The Germans!.
There is a Great British Tradition that no news report, sporting fixture or personal contact with the Germans can take place without a reminder that THEY LOST IN 1945!
For example-
Heinz "Velkom. Heff you been in Hambourg before?"
Me " No, but my Grandfather was here once"
Heinz "Did he enjoy it?"
Me " Don't know. He was 30,000 feet up in a Lancaster"

The Germans don't help. The National habit of marching into neighbouring countries has been replaced by dominating swimming pools, sunbeds and package holidays locations-- but there is a reaction. For info, see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuIJqF8av6I

flamethrowerguy
11-16-2009, 09:13 PM
The Germans don't help. The National habit of marching into neighbouring countries has been replaced by dominating swimming pools, sunbeds and package holidays locations

This one needs an update. History repeated itself once more, we were overmastered by the Russians.
The English-German relation is oftenly described as a relation of misunderstandings which starts on an individual level. For instance:


German tourist: "Waiter, please bring me a bloody steak.
English waiter: "Want some ****ing potatoes with it?"

Rising Sun*
11-17-2009, 01:33 AM
The Germans don't help. The National habit of marching into neighbouring countries has been replaced by dominating swimming pools, sunbeds and package holidays locations-- but there is a reaction. For info, see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuIJqF8av6I

I do like the apparent reference to the Barnes-Wallis bouncing bomb as the Union Jack bed bounces across the pool.

Rising Sun*
11-17-2009, 07:10 AM
The English-German relation is oftenly described as a relation of misunderstandings which starts on an individual level. For instance:

For instance:

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans in WWII.

The Englishman was wounded all over his body.

One day the Germans told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene. We must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?"

The German replied, "Ja, that will not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could you drop it over England like you did last time?"

"Ja, that will be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?"

The German replies, " Ja."

The next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "Nein! We think you are trying to escape!." :D

cato
11-17-2009, 08:55 PM
The German snapped, "Nein! We think you are trying to escape!." :D


Ha Ha--Try this--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia178T1i8ss

royal744
01-22-2010, 07:04 PM
That was a great post RS*, I wish I had more time to post back to it at the moment. The new Mini Coopers (ala BMW) are actually quite popular here, despite the fact that it's an economy car that takes premium fuel, synthetic oils, and still likes to fall apart a bit too early. :D

And yes, Amerika is certainly going down the insidious road to fascism! :lol: :evil:

http://www.phillyd.tv/wp-content/uploads/hitlers-diabolical-plan-30365-1253457156-130.jpg

... and they get very mediocre mileage.

kiwimac
12-21-2010, 09:33 PM
What a fascinating post from the Onion!

Timbo in Oz
01-18-2011, 04:54 AM
Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War

November 9, 2009 | Issue 45•46


NEW MUNICH—The new Sci-Fi Channel series Fallen Axis, which eerily depicts a world in which Germany actually lost the Second World War, premiered Tuesday evening to high ratings in an alternate universe to our own.
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Logo.jpg
The Aryan Broadcasting Company is the Sci-Fi Channel's parent network.

The much-anticipated television event is said to be the most ambitious ever produced by the science-fiction-themed network, which is a subsidiary of the Aryan Broadcasting Company. According to the early response, audiences in the alternate realm have been riveted by the show's vision of an inverted existence wherein a defeated Germany has been completely neutered by the Allied powers.

"Imagine, if you will, a world in which Hitler's glorious master plan had instead ended in ignominious failure, and the Allies had somehow emerged the victors," the show's creator, Leonhardt Riefenstahl, said during an appearance on Entertainment Heute Nacht. "It would be as if everything we know to be true—the fall of Russia, the invasion and surrender of the American continents, Heinrich Braun-Hitler's consolidation of the various conquered states in 1973—had never even happened."

Added Riefenstahl, "I think viewers all across the great worldwide National Socialist Empire are going to be terrified by the upside-down world we've created."

Critics residing in the alternate realm have also responded positively to the show: Many praised its scarily realistic depiction of a postwar Russian-American union rising to economic dominance and superpower status with the help of gloating French and English allies.
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Alternative-Universe-Jump-R.jpg
A father relaxes with wife and son after a long day of building panzerkampfwagens.

"Not only is Fallen Axis a chilling, what-if story of a world gone mad, it also asks a number of important questions about what Germany's victory meant, and why its sacred mission was so critical to the fatherland and all of humankind," said Hans von Winterstein, TV critic for the Deutsche-American Zeitung. "And Rolf Staal's performance as former cowboy actor Henry Fonda II, the monstrous American president who attempts to spread his country's insidious political and economic liberalism across the globe, will horrify even the most stoic among us."

Producers said depicting the fictional, non-German-controlled America cost upwards of 40 million reichsmarks per episode, with much of the budget going toward recreating the cities of Washington, D.C. and New York exactly as they would have appeared before the famous tide-turning Luftwaffe strike of 1951. In addition, test audiences reported being impressed by the show's painstaking portrayal of a topsy-turvy 2009 in which American big-band music plays on every radio, Mickey Mouse spouts pro-Semitic propaganda from every cinema screen, and dilution of the supreme race runs rampant.

The show is considered by many to be another boon to the Sci-Fi Channel's fall schedule, which also includes Battlestar Gleichschaltung, a weekly drama about a starship crew that enforces the total coordination of intergalactic society and commerce, and the hit reality series Jew Hunters, in which a team of paranormal investigators scour banks and former Polish ghettos in search of Jewish spirits.

No less an authority than the National Socialist Empire's reichsminister of propaganda Helmut Goebbels expressed his admiration for Fallen Axis in a formal address yesterday from the Reichstag.

"The Führer and myself are enormously pleased with this provocative new program," Goebbels said. "It shows you how close Germany might have been to losing the war had Nazi scientists not perfected the vortex gun just in time, and it is a reaffirmation of the values of self-sacrifice and racial purity that Germany's magnificent victory championed."

Added Goebbels, "However, I must strongly warn the show's creators that it would be extremely unwise of them not to include a five-minute tribute to the Führer at the beginning of all future episodes."

TheOnion.com (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/alternate_universe_sci_fi_channel)

:evil: :lol:

I see that your irony about the revisonists on this site has not only sailed over nearly all heads (minds?) but indeed thudded into the wall behind them,

Good on you anyway.